Sex, Hinduism and Contemporary Nepal

The rise of “rape culture” which is widespread in the neighboring country India has been gaining footholds in Nepal as well. Numerous gruesome cases of rape and sexual assaults in the last five years have rattle the conscience of general public, law enforcement officers and policy makers. Let me clarify from the start that rape is a repugnant and regressive human behavior that has no place in a society. However, it is also important that we have an honest discourse on our socio-cultural pedigree to get a more holistic picture of “sex” in our society.

Every form of organized religion from Christianity to Islam to Judaism have a definite moralistic, ritualistic, prophetic and self-contradictory anecdote about “sex” and “lust”. In this regard, Hinduism is not immune to these anecdotes. Hinduism’s stories consist of female character that gives birth to hundred warrior males; a woman marries to five brothers in the same family; beauty that is personified by how sexually appealing she is to lords and devils alike; and finally, the ultimate test of a women’s salaciousness is her capacity to distract a sage from his enduring meditation. Therefore, it is fair to say Hinduism as a religion does place “sexual attractiveness” as a prerequisite for beauty. This inherently does not make the religion morally superior or inferior because in-terms of evolution sexual intercourse is needed for a species to survive and to pass on its genes and “sexual attractiveness” is an essential feature for procreation. As such, people who claim Hinduism to be a scientific religion should take solace in the fact that the tenant of the religion aligns with one of the most profound scientific theories.

If the act of performing sex is a quintessential feature of being a species, should government, religious body or civil society preach or proselytize people’s sexual attitudes? This is not to say we need a sexual revolution or sexual re-education, but banning a pornographic website to curve sexual violence is akin to banning the purchase and sell of alcohol because people are drinking and driving. But, this is exactly what the Government of Nepal did when it banned the porn site pornhub which now can be accessed by using a VPN. It is also important to note that pornhub is one of the most visited site in the world which demonstrates human appetite for sexual content.

So, we have a religion that portrays women as a goddess as well as an object whose ultimate asset/power is her beauty which she uses to get anything she wants. We live in a culture that is inundated with multitude of sexual content from fashion to songs to movies to modern marketing which core objective is to make people sexually attractive. Yet, if some celebrity or powerful people talks openly about their sexual preference and behavior, he/she is instantly ostracized. This is a classic example of what psychologist call “cognitive dissonance”-a mental state where one’s thoughts do not matches one’s action which in-turn creates a state of discomfort-for general public. This is combined with rampant importation of western culture where sex is the “beating heart” that propels most human interaction.

In this environment, we need to have an honest and sometimes uncomfortable dialogues regarding sex and its place in our daily life. What will be our reaction if a teenage girl says, “she likes having casual sex”; What about oral sex? Should people engage in pre-marital sex? This is not to suggest we should adopt western style “hookup” culture, but we have to admit most of our teenagers are already awash in western culture through globalization, peers, media and virtually free internet. When we watch some contemporary Bollywood or Nepalese movies, sometimes the content is so sexual in nature that it can spin the head of a liberated westerner.

Now, to the more pressing issues of how to curve sexual violence as well as empower people who are victim of these atrocities: The first step will be to let women and men express themselves without social stigma. This can be done if people do not scapegoat “item-songs” in the movie or blame “western values” when something horrible happens. It is hard to fathom that former porn actress and now mainstream actress Sunny Leone was shamed and denied apartment rentals because she is perceived to be a nuisance that is degrading the social fabric. This is in a country where sex and brothels are essential part of the economy for major cities. These kind of attitudes and behaviors are not only counter-productive, but it also discourages open dialogues and forces the victim to not report the crime. If a celebrity has to go through this ordeal, imagine what will be the repercussion for general public who wants to have free dialogues on sex and sexuality.

It is important to note that sex-based crime is more prevalent in the rural part of the country where gender roles, gender segregation and gender based discrimination are more acute. It is precisely in these environment where we need an open dialogues and honest discourse. We need to educate teenage boys as well as adult males that wearing a bikini does not make a girl or a women promiscuous; it is normal to be in a relationship if two consenting adults are happy; sex is as normal as breathing because this is how species evolve and survive; and finally, sex can be enjoyable and both male and female “want” it with the right person. Herein lies the central point: sex is enjoyable and people should not feel ashamed to admit it regardless of gender, age (if the person is of legal age), and socio-economic status.

This might sound condescending or as if I am trying to inculcate some values that is out-of-sync with our cultural norms, but until and unless we address some deep rooted stereotype, re-examine the function that sex plays to propel human growth, and challenge prevailing ingrained gender roles found in religion, entertainment industry, family, and our own psyche, we won’t be able to protect our daughters, sisters and mothers.